"We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey." - Stephen Covey

Metallica always take their own chiropractor on tour with them. He's a nice, short, bald guy. To celebrate the end of their tour in London in December the band held a party at their Covent Garden hotel. As befits an ageing, grimly professional rock band the party was very quiet. Guests just stood around sipping drinks.
Except for the one member of the band who still likes to think of himself as a hellraiser. He stood in the middle of the room snorting lines of coke off the top of his chiropractor's bald head.

David Lee Roth played some great solo shows in UK last weekend. At the height of his popularity Dave used to insist that as part of his tour rider there was always a silver bowl filled with ice cold Perrier at the side of the stage. When he got too hot he would take off his vest, dip it in the mineral water and then put it back on and head back on stage. (FYI: Dave's amazing hairpiece is actually comprised of three separate parts. Sammy Hagar has been referring to Dave as "Three Heads.")

Italian record label Horizon is releasing an album by Great White this month called Burning House Of Love. (Great White are, of course, most famous for their pyrotechnic display at a gig in Rhode Island which killed almost 100 people).

Former porno model Blu Cantrell was scheduled to make a $1million comeback in Playboy this summer but the magazine is reportedly unhappy with the results.

Practice masturbating online:

Be like Stan Collymore and get into dogging:

Waste your time on-line and get yourself sacked;

FOOTBALL

Roby Baggio's Free-Kick Game: This is hellishly addictive. We have no idea how to play it. P45 rating: ***

Diego Maradona's Football Tennis: Not football. Not tennis. Not good. P45 rating: **

NEW!! Super Soccer: Finally a football game which doesn't involve posing as a faded star playing keepy-uppy. Sadly, despite reading the instructions three times, we're rubbish at it. Hours must be spent perfecting our skills, clearly. P45 rating: ***

NEW!! Hattrick: This is a slow burner - register your team, develop your youth squad, make transfers, all in aid of winning the 16 week league. Could cut your working day by hours. P45 rating: ****

RUGBY

Kicking Kings: Never has imitating the England rugby style felt like such fun. We loved this. *****

GOLF

Electrotank Mini Golf: Quite a fancy-looking crazy golf game. P45 rating: ***

Mini Putt 2: The graphics on this aren't as good as Electrotank, but the gameplay is better. We suggest organising an office championship (our best score is 33, by the way) P45 rating: *****

CRICKET

N-Power Cricket: Not exactly hi-tech, but another office championship opportunity - get everyone else sacked too. P45 rating: ****

NEW! Last Man Standing: Cricket in boring shocker! The graphics are the best thing about this dull effort.
P45 rating: *

TENNIS

NEW! Tardis Tennis: This was sent to us by Rob Bateman, who designed it himself. If you've ever fantasised about serve-volleying while dressed up as Queen Victoria, this is the game for you. Simple and playable. P45 rating: ***

BOWLING

League Bowling: Is this a sport? No idea. Don't really care. P45 rating: ***

NEW! Super Bowling: You don't get to be a bizarrely muscular fuzzy female graphic on this one, but it's ego-boostingly simple to play. P45 rating: ****

WINTER SPORTS

Snowboarding: We would like to say this game is, like, totally rad dude. But we've no idea how to retain control. P45 rating: ***

PUB SPORTS

Darts: Brilliant oche action complete with large guts. P45 rating: *****

Mini Pool: Despite decidedly un-slick graphics and oversize balls, you'll play this until your eyes water.
P45 rating: ****

Blast Billiards: Ian Gale calls this "a fiendishly addictive way to waste an hour or three at work." And even though we're shamefully useless at this game, we're inclined to agree. P45 rating: *****

EQUESTRIAN

Steeplechase Challenge: There's something deeply retro about this one. The secret is in judicious use of the whip and perfect timing in the jump. P45 rating *** (***** if your betting syndicate is rumbled)

VOLLEYBALL

Slime volleyball: Never has the game of volleyball been less sexy and more infuriating, yet still curiously engrossing. P45 rating: ***

MISCELLANEOUS

Okay okay so these are not strictly sports. But they should be.

Smack the Pingu: You are a yeti. Pingu is diving onto your head. So, using the obligatory club, you smack him as far towards oblivion as possible. Short-lived insanity. P45 rating: **

Smack the Pingu 2: Like all sequels, slightly bigger and better, but essentially the same premise: as a yeti, you are obliged to smash Pingu into an iceberg. P45 rating: ***

NEW!! Pingu Extreme: Gratuitously bloodthirsty version of the original. P45 rating: **

Insaniquarium: You may think virtual guppies unabsorbing. You'd be wrong. P45 rating: ***

Spear Toss: Beguilingly simple to play, but combining perfect speed with perfect trajectory to bag a place on the leaderboard is tantalisingly difficult. P45 rating: ****

NEW! 3-D Pong: Just when you thought pong couldn't get any better, they go and make it 3D. So hard you will inevitably spend hours of company time playing it. P45 rating: ****