In a morbid display of incredibly bad taste, producers of the John Ritter sitcom with the humongous name -- Eight Simple Rules about What to Do on a Date with my Incredibly Hot and Sexy Jail-Bait Teenage Daughters -- have decided to continue filming the show without their leading man, who died tragically last week at the ridiculous age of 54. Partaking in that time-honored showbiz tradition of posthumously assuming the deceased's wishes are totally in sync with his own - "John would have wanted it that way!" - ABC Entertainment Television Group chairman Lloyd Braun announced that not only would his network be airing the three episodes Ritter filmed before his death, but that afterwards, the series writers would be going into seclusion to hammer out a new direction for the show... one that presumably doesn't include the participation of the show's entire raison d'etre... Mister John Ritter.

Hey Lloyd! I know you're all about the bottom line, dude, so if you're willing to take a chance and make television history, I've got a time-sensitive idea for you to consider. How about filming one last episode with your show's dearly departed star!? It's not too late, you know. He isn't in the ground yet. It could be his funeral episode, so he wouldn't have to do anything, really, except be there kinda like when Christopher Reeves guest-stars on Smallville. You could get the people from Six Feet Under to lend you a helping hand with the flowers and makeup and shit. They shoot that show in Los Angeles, right? So whaddaya say, you flesh-eating, cannibalistic, money-sucking parasite sack of poop? Have we achieved "synergy go," here, or what?

An unidentified Darwin, Australia woman underwent a C-section operation last week in order to help her deliver a beautiful, bouncing baby... ball of lard! Yes, incredible as it seems, the doctors on scene were so convinced that the un-named porker was heavy with child that they sliced her open to extricate the wee bairn from underneath the flabba-lanche of Mount Mom's enormous gut... but all they found was a half-digested glazed ham and an old Florida license plate. Better luck next time!

Last night world leaders were again in uproar as America announced a shock addition to its controversial Axis of Evil. President Bush made the shock announcement in a surprise press conference late last night. President Bush, seen by many as the sole cause of many of the world's current problems, launched a blistering attack on the people and culture of Wales. At one point going as far as to claim that the people of Wales are 'less good at stuff than other people'. Commentators have noted that the language used in the comment indicates that Bush himself added this particular insult.Bush presented a dossier of evidence justifying his decision to include Wales into the Axis of Evil.
The charges include:
• An annoying accent
• Welsh Male choirs
• Having a mythical creature on their flag
• Excessively high sheep to man ratio
• Tom Jones during the 80's
• High Unemployment
• The Welsh language
• Long place names
• Overly high sense on national pride
• A desire for self rule
Tony Blair has already announced his support for Bush's moves and is putting a motion before parliament that Wales be expelled from the United Kingdom and that Great Britain be renamed Even Greater Britain to signify that the UK is better off without the Welsh.

Only days after the US government refused to rule out military action against Iran, the United Nations voted to build a security fence separating the USA from the rest of the world within the next six months. UN spokesman Kofi Annan made the announcement during a Thursdays UN special session.

The 19,841 mile-long fence will be equipped with cameras and electronic detection devices, he said. A total of $460 billion has been allocated for the project. UN members attending the meeting later were quoted as backing the plan unanimously as long as it is completed quickly.

The idea of a security fence has repeatedly been proposed as a way to prevent US forces from reaching their targets in The World. Supporters say similar fences in Berlin and along the perimeter of the Gaza Strip have helped block terror attacks in the past.

Detractors say the new fence inevitably will be seen as a border demarcation between the USA and The World, and will harm The World’s negotiating position with the USA in the future but UN spokesman Kofi Anna is categorical. "We've got to find a way to get a handle on them," Annan said on NBC-TV's Meet the Press.

"Over the last fifty years US attacks have resulted in death and injury in the Philippines, Puerto Rico, Korea, Iran, Vietnam, Guatemala, Egypt, Lebanon, Iraq, China, Panama, Laos, Cuba, Panama, Indonesia, Dominican Republic, Cambodia, Oman, Chile, Angola, Libya, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Grenada, Honduras, Philippines Liberia, Kuwait, Somalia, Bosnia, Haiti, Zaire, Albania, Sudan, Afghanistan, Yugoslavia and Colombia.

Enough is enough already."