MYSTERIES OF THE HUMAN GENOME REVEALED
MYSTERIES OF THE HUMAN GENOME REVEALED!
One of the most surprising things we've learned about our genetic makeup is the fact that we have far fewer genes than previously believed. Before the human genome was completed, we were believed to be made up of roughly 100,000 separate genes. We have since learned that we only have 30,000, which isn't that much more than the average house-plant.
According to scientists, more than 200 human genes come to us from bacteria. Which helps explain the existence of Tony Blair and George W Bush.
One of the most incredible discoveries made by genome researchers is the fact that there are certain sequences of DNA that act as a permanent record of human evolution, charting 800 million years of mutation and development. This means that we will soon have the capacity to look into the past, and shut up all those idiots who think evolution is bullshit.
Listen up, men! In plumbing the secrets of the human genome, scientists have inadvertently confirmed what we all knew, intuitively, all along: MEN are at the forefront of evolutionary mutation! In fact, the rate of genetic mutation among men is roughly twice the rate of female genetic mutation! So be proud, penis-wielders! For it is WE who are the genetic trailblazers, speeding the species ever forward towards who-the-hell-knows-what!
It turns out those hippies were onto something... there really is a Brotherhood of Man. Whether you're black, white, Asian, Latino, Eskimo Zulu, Canadian, Australian or Kiwi, your DNA is 99.9% identical to the DNA of your different-looking neighbours. This does not apply to the French, however, who are more closely related to the lowly starfish than to humans, for some reason.
USA YAY YAY YAY
You really need of all these if you're a proper American
A bunch of Muslim groups - who you'd think would have bigger things to worry about right now - are demanding an apology from X2 director Bryan Singer over what they perceive to be a veiled "anti-Islamic" message (no pun intended) in his blockbuster superhero flick. Project Islamic H.O.P.E. national director Najee Ali explains: "Within the first five minutes of X2, an evil villain, Colonel William Stryker, is in the White House signing a document. As he signs, he is shown wearing a ring featuring the Arabic symbol for Allah. We feel this is a subtle but obvious attack on Islam. It is unfortunate, as we continue to live in a post-9/11 world, that Bryan Singer would engage in a subtle campaign to breed intolerance and hate." Yeah� right. That's exactly what Bryan Singer is doing. Next thing you know, gay rights groups will be attacking Singer for having openly gay actor Ian "Gandalf the Gay" McKellan play the role of a terrorist championing the cause of "homo superior." Preznit Dubya's getting set to implement Phaze III of Operation Keep Crusadin', and these freaking idiots are worried about a freaking ring on some freaking actor's finger in a freaking movie about freaking mutant superheroes!!! No wonder they're about to be wiped off the face of the planet!
I felt kind of bad for all those people who got sucked out of that plane over Africa on the weekend, but there's still a part of me that can't help but blame the victims. I mean, any time you agree to fly in a refurbished, Russian-made cargo jet, you're taking your life into your own hands. Bungy jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge on a rope made from a thousand dirty socks tied together makes more sense, as far as I'm concerned