This weeks recommended CD is "Ok Go - Oh No"...
Not a classic week, but the best is probably this one - Ok Go have a lot to offer if you're into skewed off kilter melodies, crash bang guitars and edgy power pop. Of course, their approach to music is a popular one just now in the wake of Franz Ferdinands success, and here's hoping they don't get swamped by lesser mortals.
And the video for single "A Million Ways" is highly amusing in a let's rip off Fatboy Slim kind of way.
Gossip, scandal and innuendo
Rumours were going around earlier this year that Madonna had skin cancer. Luckily it seems as if the only ugly growth she's thinking of cutting off this year is her husband.
It's frustrating being a teenage boy in the Middle East. The girls in your class are clad head to toe in burkhas, masturbation is frowned upon and you're encouraged to wait until you blow up a bus in Israel and get 72 virgins in heaven before you have sex. So respect to the owner of a sports shop in Ras Al Khaimah, UAE. As well as selling trainers and footballs, the shop has been renting out blow-up aids of a different kind - sex dolls. Teen boys could hire a doll for the day, but only by word of mouth and on the recommendation of a previous customer. Sadly, one client made the mistake of telling the son of a government officer, and the shop got raided and closed down last week.
Why are we so obsessed with footballers' sexuality? Everyone has been feverishly speculating about the News of the World's "gay footballer scandal". In reality, it seems as if it was little more than two drunk friends, who we're not going to embarrass by naming, encouraged to mess around with mobile phones up their arses (and who hasn't) by their "mate" who was secretly filming them to sell to the papers. The tabloid baulked at the 500 grand asking price for the video, and therefore reveal the player's identities, but had enough info to run the story.
Instead, let's just laugh at how stupid footballers are with.....
The how stupid are footballers section
Puppy pee
Barnsley's Darren Barnard slipped in a puddle of his new puppy's pee on the kitchen floor. The resulting knee ligament damage kept him out of action for five months.
Remote Control
Young Wolves striker Robbie Keane ruptured his knee cartilage in October last year after stretching to pick up his TV remote control.
Dog
Brentford goalkeeper Chic Brodie had his career finished in a 1970 mid-match collision with a pitch-invading dog.
Tony Adams
Steve Morrow broke his collarbone after falling off Tony Adams while celebrating the 1993 League Cup final win.
Toddlers
David Batty's return from an Achilles tendon injury was put back when he was run over by his toddler on a tricycle; Allan Nielsen of Spurs missed several matches after his daughter poked him in the eye; and Republic of Ireland star Alan McLoughlin - John Durnin's golf-partner - ruptured his right thumb picking up daughter Megan.
Temper
Man United goalkeeper Alex Stepney, in 1975, screamed so hard at his team-mates that he broke his jaw.
Ferrari
Alan Wright, Villa's little full-back, needed treatment for a knee strain caused by stretching to reach the accelerator in his new Ferrari. 'It gave me grief,' said Wright, who swapped the car for a Rover 416.
Lawnmower
Arsenal legend Charlie George never fully recovered from cutting off his big toe with a lawnmower.
Bathrooms
Lee Hodges of Barnet slipped on a bar of soap in the shower, wrenching his groin; Alan Mullery missed England's 1964 tour of South America after putting his back out while brushing his teeth.
Fish
Aston Villa's Shaun Teale gashed his forearm cleaning out the family fish tank.
...and the best from abroad
Brazilian star Ramalho was in bed for three days after swallowing a suppository to treat a dental infection; Milan Rapaic missed the start of Hajduk Split's season after sticking his boarding-pass in his eye at the airport; and, tragically, Indonesian star Mistar, 25, was killed by a herd of pigs that invaded his team's training pitch before a Cup fixture in 1995.
Football kerrazy
Welcome to the new people, you know who you are by virtue of the fact that you are reading this. goodbye to the old people - you don't know who you are yet, but come next week, you won't be reading this - and there lies your first clue - you've pissed me off for some reason - so think about upping your life insurance, or possibly hiring a full-time bodyguard. At the very least, look over your shoulder more often.
